It's all in your head, anyways.

So on Monday, for the first time in my life, I met with a counselor.
For the first time in my life I am dealing with my problems instead of trying to ignore/avoid the ones I can't do anything about on my own.


Today I met with a psychiatrist.
And he gave me a word.
And part of me wants to be afraid of that word, but having a word doesn't change the issue. It just let's you know how to approach it.

I feel validated and hopeful.

Secrets! Well, Not Really....

So I went through my blog and hid a bunch of old posts. Why, you ask? Because they were stupid.

At times, I have a tendency to focus on things that are trivial. They seem like a big deal at the time, but they're not. At all.

And reading that stuff is awful. So I got rid of it.

In doing so, not only do I hope to make my blog more readable, I hope to change my perspective. I don't want to focus on silly trivial matters that would possibly be embarrassing to recap 6 months later.

Such as boy drama.

And too many details.

Life is more about the generals than perhaps we give credit for.

I have a new blog that I am a part of with Benjamin Eddy and Kyle Conley. It's called Our Quote Quilt and it can be found here.

p.s.--It's a blog that might not be funny at all to anyone but us. So please, don't have any sort of expectations.

I decided that the name for my blog (finding bliss and becoming my best self) is super appropriate and fitting. Like for realsies.

happiness

So that boy was acting...off, and I was all bummed about it and I realized....

What the heck! What a waste of time!

Seriously. (not that I even know what's going on between us, but why waste time about something that isn't even a real thing)

So, I decided, that I'm great.

And that I don't need to worry about him if he doesn't see that. (maybe he does, right now, it doesn't matter)

I don't need fulfillment through a man, I can find fulfillment through my amazing friends, education, and future career.

I like to exercise and play the ukulele and a hundred other things and I shouldn't let some silly sadness get in the way.

So.

Elle:1 Sadness:0

winning!

Coolness

So that boy I mentioned in an earlier post, (entitled "my so great life" linked here) long story short...we went to devo every week and studied sometimes and had dinner and hung out a little too....Well on thursday i plucked up the courage and had this conversation with him. (not verbatim)

Me: So I've been wanting to talk to you about this. I like you. But you're really hard to read, so I'm not sure where you are on all this. But regardless of anything else, I want to be your friend.

A: I've been told that I'm hard to read before. I like you too. I think you're really cool.

And then we talked about how it's the end of the semester and we don't want to get too close to anyone. But I feel like our defenses are down, and I'm maybe getting closer than I mean to.

On Friday, I held his hand. (he held mine back)

On Saturday, he put his arm around me.

and on Sunday (today) I kissed him on the cheek.

What do you do when there is no time to move forward and no desire to move backwards?